Do you know me? Do I know me?

Life goes on.  Some days are great, some are good, others okay, and a few are pretty low.  And many days are a combination of any or all of the preceding.

This article has been around for quite some time.  I have never seen it attributed to anyone in particular.  (If I ever find out, I will give credit where it is due.)

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I’M NOT SAYING

Don’t be fooled by me.  Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.  For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off, and none of them are me.

Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but don’t be fooled.  Please.  Don’t be fooled.

I give you the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without; that confidence is my name and coolness is my game; that the waters are calm and that I’m in command and I need no one.  But don’t believe me; please don’t believe me.

My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask, my ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.  Beneath it lies no smugness, no coolness, no complacence.  Beneath dwells the real me, in confusion, in fear, in loneliness.  But I hide this; I don’t want anybody to know it.  I panic at the thought of my weakness being exposed.  That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated façade to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.  But such a glance is precisely my salvation.  My only salvation.  And I know it.  It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.

But I don’t tell you this.  I don’t dare.  I’m afraid to.

I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by love and acceptance.  I’m afraid that you will think less of me, that you’ll laugh, and your laugh will kill me.  I’m afraid that deep down inside I’m nothing, that I’m just no good, and that you’ll see the real me and reject me.

So I play my games, my desperate, pretending games, with a façade of assurance on the outside and a trembling child within.  And so begins the parade of masks, the glittering but empty parade of masks.  And my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter with you in the suave tones of surface talk.  I tell you everything that’s really nothing, nothing of what’s crying within me.  So when I’m going through my routine, don’t be fooled by what I’m saying.  Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m NOT saying; what I’d like to be able to say; what, for survival, I need to say but I can’t say.  I dislike the hiding.  Honestly I do.  I dislike the superficial phony games I’m playing.

I’d really like to be genuine, spontaneous, and me; but you have to help me.  You have to help me by holding out your hand, even when that’s the last thing I seem to want or need.  Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings.  Very small wings.  Very feeble wings.  But wings.  With your sensitivity and empathy and your power of understanding, I can make it.  You can breathe life into me.  It will not be easy for you.  A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.  But love is stronger than strong walls, and therein lies my hope.  Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive, and I AM a child.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.  For I am every man, every woman, every child… every human you will ever meet.

Anonymous

I don’t agree with the sentiment of a knowing glance being my salvation, “my only salvation.”  True salvation is different and real.  But to interpret the author’s words as being a first step to friendship, to hope, is an idea I can generally agree with.

So, am I posting this on a day when I’m okay so I can be an encouragement to others? Or am I down and looking for a friend? I’m not sure of the answer myself.

I do remember, Love Wins!

The Greatest of These

Often in church leadership meetings where the people are discussing their purpose, vision, missions, and/or values, many will state that the reason they exist is to follow The Great Commission: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:19-20)“  It is important to tell others about God and Christ, but many people forget the first lesson.

Earlier in the same Gospel, Jesus is asked what the Greatest Commandment is. 

Jesus replied: ”‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”  (Matthew 22:37-39)

First, we are to love God with everything we’ve got, every part of ourselves.  Then as we love God and know that He loves us, we can share that love with our neighbors - any human being with whom we come into contact.  If we don’t love people first, they won’t care to hear that God loves them.  A common saying is “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”  To paraphrase that, “People won’t listen about God’s love for them if they think you don’t care about them, too.”

This is one thing that excites me about C3.  There are so many people sharing their lives with others, and inviting them to visit.  It’s about relationships – not religion.  After all, Love Wins.